The best friend says veiled nasty things. Psychology. You are required to provide emotional service

We all know how painful breakups can be. Sleepless nights, tear-stained pillows and the feeling that this will drag on for the rest of my life. We assure ourselves that this will never happen again. We pray that these feelings will go away, and eventually they do.

But let’s admit honestly that sometimes there are breakups, after which you feel relief. And we are not necessarily talking only about love relationships, but also about friendly ones. We forget how we actively chose the people we let into our lives. And we forget that we also have the right to remove them from our lives if they begin to have a bad influence on it.

No one has to be our friend forever - that's okay. We need to take care of ourselves, our happiness, and sometimes that means narrowing our social circle. The truth is that sometimes friends don't act like friends, and if this happens all the time, then it's time to reclassify them as just acquaintances.

I have collected several signs that it is time to reconsider your friendship with a certain person:

1. You often quarrel. Yes, there are misunderstandings and conflicts between all friends, but if almost every meeting you meet ends in a quarrel, this is a sign that you are incompatible. Friendship should be a joyful experience, not a stressful one.
2. Envy and competition. If you feel the need to constantly prove something to a friend, you will feel exhausted rather than comfortable. Friendship is support and encouragement, not a race to get ahead of who is better.
3. If this friendship brings nothing to your life. Let's be honest: if someone wants to be a part of your life, it shows. Just as guests come to your home with some kind of treat, a friend brings something new and useful into your life. Maybe he always supports you. Maybe he always knows how to make you laugh. And he just knows how to listen.
4. Friendship should be mutual, as should the efforts made in it. If you are constantly trying to get a friend to go out, but he always doesn’t have time, or he never calls first, then you should think about whether you should chase after someone who doesn’t chase you? Stop wasting energy on those who don't value it.
5. Control or manipulation. If you don't feel like yourself in this friendship, leave it. Some people like to be the boss of a group or have a friend as their own servant, errand girl, wannabe, and so on. Well, like the friendship of many girls at school. When there is a leader and everyone else trying to match her. For some, this continues into adulthood.

1. Tell me who is your friend... Is your friend a good person? If you doubt it for even a second, then think about how his reputation reflects on you? Most likely, people perceive you the same way as your friend. And you yourself may even adopt his bad behavior. Be selective in your friends because you are associated with them.
2. You spend more time thinking about the past than the future. We all have friends from school or university. But you shouldn’t continue to be actively friends with them just because you have a common past. People grow up and that's normal. And some turn into ones we no longer like. You shouldn't stay in a relationship simply out of respect for the past.
3. Friendship negatively affects your self-esteem. Friendship is about helping each other survive in this world, not poking our noses at how wretched we are. If this friendship makes you feel worse than that same friend, you should break up with him.

Every girl is surrounded by friends from early childhood and throughout her life. Everyone chooses for herself who to call this big word “friend” - it could be the girl with whom she played with the same toys in kindergarten, sat at the same desk at school, or the one who was always there and supported in difficult life situations . And you probably have friends, or only one, whom you consider the best. But what if you consider her almost your sister, but she actually treats you completely differently? Or you no longer feel comfortable in her company and realize that you would never treat her the way she treats you. However, cutting people out of life is not easy for everyone, and sometimes not everything is so simple. It can be difficult to understand who is in front of you - a real or a false friend. Anyone can encounter such a special person. Just remember Katy Perry and Taylor Swift! “For a long time I couldn’t understand whether we were friends or not. During events, he came up to me and said some things, after which I could not understand - was it a compliment, or did she insult me?” – I couldn’t figure it out.

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Tey. Perhaps Bad Blood could have been avoided if Tay had read our material. We have collected 7 signs that will help you recognize that your friend is not at all who she says she is. There is definitely no place for such a person in your life.

She makes fun of you

A false friend constantly makes cruel jokes about you, reminds you of all your failures and does not hesitate to laugh at you when you are not at all laughing. Of course, humor is an important part of a relationship, and what could be better than laughing together. The main word here is together. If all this is unpleasant for you, you should tell her about it directly. Remembering how you fell into a puddle in the second grade and walked around all day in dirty tights, or how you accidentally shaved off your eyebrow in the eighth grade can really be fun if the two of you are sitting together in pajamas. It’s good if a friend quietly and privately tells you about the stain on your skirt, or honestly confirms that you’ve gained a couple of kilos. But it’s terrible if she does it in the company of not so close acquaintances, and even more so in front of a guy you like. In this case, the false friend has one single goal - to embarrass you, put you in an unsightly light in front of others, or simply humiliate you in order to assert herself at your expense. You can, of course, try to figure out the reasons for her behavior, blame everything on her complexes, etc., but maybe she’s not your friend at all?

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She's talking about you behind your back

Agree, it is incredibly unpleasant to learn from third parties about what was said to a friend in private. Or find out from someone her opinion about you or your actions, which is completely opposite to what was said to you. Unfortunately, this is a false friend.

She doesn't feel the need to keep your secrets because she probably doesn't think they're that important.

She is not ashamed to discuss you with mutual friends, blurt out your secrets, and she will not defend you if she suddenly hears a negative review about you; moreover, she will happily support such a conversation, because she knows more about you than anyone else, and she will definitely what to say.

She insults you

Girlfriends love to give each other funny nicknames, the meaning of which only they know. Sometimes there are couples in which mutual insults are simply a feature of communication. It's okay if you're happy with everything and you know that these are common jokes. But a false friend deliberately says hurtful words, knowing for sure that this will hurt you. She crosses the line by saying things like "yes, I'm not serious" and "yes, it's a joke." If you already perceive her words as insults, then first of all, look at yourself, aren’t you doing the same? Think about your words, maybe her aggression is a response to your behavior? In any case, reduce the number of your own jokes that may offend her, and of course, talk about what worries you. If this doesn't work, then you have a false friend.

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She devalues ​​your successes

For some reason she believes that you cannot achieve anything on your own. I received a “five” for my essay, and the question immediately arises: “Where did you download it?”; worked all summer to buy a new phone, she asks: “Who gave it?”; performed at a school concert, and she suddenly: “You really screwed up the second part.” She sees only your shortcomings, never tires of reminding you of your mistakes and is unable to recognize your success. Friends, of course, are known in trouble, but they should also be able to sincerely rejoice. The main motive for this behavior is usually envy. If you are familiar with all of the above, your friend, alas, is not real.

She competes with you

It is important for her to always be better than you in everything. It doesn’t matter at all that she has been dancing for ten years, and you draw comics. A false friend cannot allow you to be more successful in anything than she is. For her, this is a kind of competition from which she must emerge victorious.

It doesn’t matter to her to win the competition, it’s important to her to beat you.

She doesn't want to be an excellent student, she wants to get grades higher than yours. She needs things more expensive and more beautiful than yours. Even she will only choose a guy who, in her eyes, will be better than yours. In such a situation, it is better not to succumb to provocations and not start a war, but simply continue to do what you like. You know what you have no equal in. Remember that winners focus on winning, losers focus on winners.

Envy is a common feeling in friendships between women. Sometimes it happens that you turn out to be something better than your friend. And if you feel that she is not happy about your successes and victories, then most likely she is jealous of you.

Basically, envy is a good feeling, but only when it is white and not black. If your friend openly says that she envies you and wants to achieve the same success as you, there is nothing wrong with that. Such friendship with a share of white envy not only strengthens communication, but also provides an opportunity to develop together, reach new heights and learn something from each other, share and gain invaluable experience.

But what to do if your friend is extremely jealous? How to recognize envy and what ways to deal with it in order to maintain friendship? What might your girlfriend be jealous of? A good job, a successful career, ideal relationships in the family and with your significant other, talents, abilities, character and even appearance. You can find any number of reasons for envy!

How to understand that your friend is jealous of you

If a friend has changed her attitude towards you or you have noticed some changes in her behavior towards you, you should not immediately think that she is jealous of you. Often, feelings of envy can be confused with other emotions. What behavior of a woman can indicate her envy of you?

• If while talking about your career and successes At work, a friend is noticeably bored, yawns or sits with an indifferent expression on her face. He's not very happy to hear about your achievements!

• If you managed to get the desired position, get married successfully, achieve something significant, then your jealous friend will always write it all off as a simple coincidence. She will never admit that behind all your successes and achievements is not chance, but your work, abilities and talent.
• If you involuntarily feel awkward when communicating with a friend because you are happy and you are satisfied with everything in life, then in this case we can also talk about envy. Without words, without a look, without any other manifestations, you can energetically feel black envy.

• If your friend tries to imitate you in everything, then she is jealous. This may be unconscious, but in any case, such a situation in friendship is not normal.
• If your friend actively discourages you from any decisions and actions that could subsequently lead you to success, then you should seriously think about whether she really wants the best for you?
• If your friend is always there for you when you feel bad when you have troubles, and tries in every possible way to calm you down and support you, this is a sign of a good and faithful friendship between you. But if during periods of joy and success she is not around, she avoids meeting with you, then a simple conclusion follows from this - she is unpleasant about your successes.

• Notice how her mood changes when you talk to her about events in your life. If she actively discusses your problems and failures, and directly blossoms in her desire to help you, when she perceives your joys and successes indifferently, then, most likely, this is a manifestation of envy.

How to deal with your friend's envy

• Talk to her frankly. Try not to use the words “envy” in the conversation. Pretend that you have no idea about her feelings. She won't be very happy if you accuse her of being jealous. Identify her problem that she needs to solve. For example, if you feel that she is jealous of your relationship with a man, then help her find her soulmate. Help tactfully and carefully.

• If a friend is jealous of your appearance, then help her transform herself! Give her compliments and praise her more often.
• Don't use themes that irritate her.
• Never belittle her successes and achievements, even if they are negligible compared to yours. Let your friend feel confident.

If nothing helps, then you should think about it: do you need such a friend? We wish you good luck and don't forget to press the buttons and

Many people think that childhood behavior is left behind once they grow up. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Some people still like to cause trouble. They behave just like at school, but it may be more difficult to notice such behavior. Deal with such friends once and for all! If you have a friend with whom the following signs can be seen, she may simply be using you.

She only calls when she needs something

You probably have a friend who you only hear about when she needs a babysitter, a car, or something like that. She always needs something from you. Of course, any friendship sometimes involves support and help, but it cannot be built on such relationships. If everything is wrong in your case, you are simply being used.

She doesn't listen to you

If you've already told your friend eight times that you're allergic to wool, and she comes over with the dog again, if she keeps forgetting your birthday, she might not be listening to you at all. A good friend doesn't have to remember every detail of your personal life, but he is interested in what matters to you. Paying attention to this is not at all so difficult.

She ignores you socially

Do you have a friend who immediately dumps you and acts like you're strangers when you're in a big group? This behavior may not be too obvious, but you just have to think about it - and you understand that in the company of other people, this friend does not sit next to you and does not even look in your direction. She doesn't want to be associated with you and hides from others that you are friends. This is not friendship! You need someone who will support you in any situation.

She cancels plans at the last minute

Even if she always has the perfect excuse, consider this: a friend who constantly cancels plans is bound to raise doubts. Apparently, you are not very high on her list of priorities, so every obstacle makes her less motivated to see you. Stay away from such a person.

You only talk about her

If you find yourself constantly hearing stories about her life, but can't remember the last time you told her about yourself, there is a serious problem in your friendship. Do you only listen and never speak? Perhaps it's because your friend never remembers to ask you the question. She is only interested in herself, so she does not think about the need to try to listen to each other.

She constantly argues with you

There is a difference between disagreeing with each other from time to time and arguing all the time. Every relationship has its ups and downs, but dealing with an argumentative person can be exhausting. There is no reason to behave this way all the time.

She upsets you

Insults can be almost invisible. Sometimes you don’t even understand what was said to you, only then realizing how negative the phrase was. There is no room for negativity in healthy friendships. If a person hurts your feelings and is not even upset about it, you cannot be called friends.

Are you familiar with the situation when your best friend says not very pleasant words to you, or rather the most offensive, but she does it with such an air that you simply have no right to be offended by her, because she does it “in a friendly way” and only “ with the best intentions"? She may tell you that you are ugly and ugly, stupid and naive... She may point out your shortcomings and even make fun of them in the company of other people. But at the same time, she will act as if she did not intend to offend you and spoke either as a joke or so that you would change for the better. It’s inconvenient for you to put her in her place, since she’s a friend! What's the best!

This situation occurs so often that I decided to devote an entire article to this issue. What to do if a friend says nasty things? Quarreling with her? Trying to put her in her place? Just talk to her and say that you are offended and unpleasant? Or maybe it’s better to stop communicating with such a person altogether? None of these options are suitable.

Back in college, I had a friend like this. How much blood she drank from me! And she said nasty things with a friendly smile on her lips, and threw mud at me behind my back, and got into a fight with the guy I liked. But every time she managed to get away with it. I couldn’t say a word to her, since she turned any accusation against me, and I still felt guilty later. People like her truly have a talent for resourcefulness and cunning. So, in my relationship with her, I tried every possible behavior that I could think of. I tried to say nasty things to her in response, but she made me look like a “bitch” and made me feel guilty. I tried to quarrel with her, but she began to apologize with such a remorseful look and say that she didn’t mean anything bad, that I had no choice but to forgive. I even told her directly, like, are you asserting yourself at my expense? But she made round eyes and such a surprised and incomprehensible face that all my accusations were shattered into pieces... In a word, nothing worked for me. Nothing.

And only two years later everything changed. Then I became interested in psychology and began to take care of myself. I went to trainings and courses, did exercises to raise my self-esteem, and became more and more self-confident. And... one fine day I suddenly realized that my best friend was no longer my friend for a long time. She somehow quietly moved away from me and began to communicate with other girls. We didn't quarrel, didn't fight. It’s just that our roads, running side by side, suddenly took off and diverged. And then I seemed to look at our former friendship from the outside. And I realized everything at once. I understood why she behaved this way and why all my attempts to get even with her or put her in her place ended in failure. Yes, I was just an insecure girl. Complex. Too soft. I didn’t like myself at all and had almost no respect for myself.

Have you heard the expression that everything is ? So she was my teacher. With her behavior, she tried to teach me to stand up for myself, to value myself. Of course, she did this for completely different reasons, but that was exactly the plan of the Universe. She simply asserted herself at my expense, trying to become more confident in herself, to get rid of the complexes that haunted her. And she behaved with me the way I allowed, the way I deserved.

That's why, when I raised my self-esteem and truly loved myself, she simply retreated and disappeared from my life, as if she never existed. Because she couldn't act the same anymore. My lesson was completed and she was no longer energetically attracted to me.

Therefore, if a friend says nasty things, the recipe for your actions is not at all what you tried or are trying to do. No amount of quarrels or showdowns will help. Don't pay her back and try to say nasty things back to her, you will only sink even further to her level. The recipe is that you must love yourself, learn to appreciate and respect. - this is what you should start working on. And believe me, after changes happen to you, your friend will either stop saying nasty things to you or simply disappear from your life.