My child is greedy - what should I do? Fight or accept? Causes of children's greed. Children's greed - reasons for manifestation and ways to combat If a child is greedy, advice to parents

The greed of a child and the reasons for its appearance. Features of a baby growing up and ways to rid him of his reluctance to share his things with other children.

The content of the article:

Greed in a child is the child’s reluctance to voluntarily give his toys and other things valuable to him, even for temporary use. Parents cannot understand how their cute little one literally became a little miser. The child's psyche is very vulnerable, but still amenable to correction. Therefore, parents should think about the problem that has arisen in their family, which could make their beloved child an outcast in society in the future.

Stages of child socialization

Experts say that the first manifestations of a sense of possessiveness in a baby begin after one and a half years. Before this period, there is simply no point in talking about it.

Subsequently, the maturation and formation of the baby’s personality looks like this:

Each child manifests this character trait differently. The following types of manifestations of children’s reluctance to share personal belongings with others should be highlighted:

• Greedy bully. Such a child does not lend his toys for temporary use and tries to take possession of other people’s. At the same time, he can even start a fight if something doesn’t go according to his plan.
• Greedy owner. There is a category of children who, by their nature, are not able to understand the word “common toys.” It is very difficult to wean them from this way of seeing things, but it is possible with the help of a competent psychologist.
• Greedy victim. These are unloved children who become stingy due to life circumstances or due to the selfishness of adults. This category also includes little people who live in dysfunctional families with very little income.
• Greedy tyrant. Excessive parental love can also play a cruel joke on mom and dad. Indulging their child in literally everything, they raise him to be a 100% selfish and miser.
• Greedy loner. In this case we are talking about a very thrifty child. He loves to play with himself because he values ​​his toys and is worried about other children damaging his property.

Important! It is very difficult to find one factor that contributes to the emergence of greed in children. Each child has his own reason for becoming a little person with a similar problem.

Ways to combat children's greed

In most cases, shouting and harsh punishments can cause a radically opposite reaction in your offspring. When correcting your child's behavior, you must be extremely wise. However, in some situations it doesn’t hurt to seek help from a specialist.

The work of psychologists with greedy people

Attention! The help of a psychologist is necessary only if the greed of children takes a manic form. In another situation, it is quite possible to get by with the help of your family.

Parents helping their child

Dad and mom feel their child with all their hearts, but sometimes they lack the experience to properly approach his upbringing. When solving the problem of how to stop a child from being greedy, the following tips will help them:

• Don't waste time. Parents should not relax and think that they will be able to re-educate their beloved greedy person at any moment. Psychologists insist on the fact that after 9 years it will be either problematic or practically impossible to realize one’s intention even for a competent psychologist.
• Convene a family council. To better understand the origins of children's greed, the opinions of loved ones will not hurt. Let everyone express their own opinion during this frank conversation, after which it will be easiest to come to a common decision. However, during such a dialogue, one should listen to each other patiently, so that the family consultation does not ultimately turn into a banal showdown of relations between relatives.
• Talk to children. The children's toy and food industry uses flashy advertising to make children want everything at once. If their friends have a desired item, then the child can get into a pose demanding to buy him the same thing. It should be explained to him from early childhood that each family has its own financial capabilities. Then the conversation needs to smoothly transition to the fact that envy and greed are very bad.
• Observe wisdom. If a little friend who came to visit a child was eager to get his own son or daughter’s favorite thing, then it would be a gross mistake in the educational process to follow the lead of the young extortionist visitor. It is necessary to convince your child to play with the visitor, but with the condition that the toy is then returned to its owner.
• Teach by example. This is the only way to show your child how to behave correctly in life. He must witness that his parents are able to share their material wealth with others. You can feed an abandoned animal together or send things to an orphanage. It will also be correct behavior in which, for example, something very tasty is bought and shared among everyone, or mom treats dad, telling him that she is not greedy.
• Follow the words. Under no circumstances should you call your child a greedy person in the presence of strangers. This will cause a protest against the tactlessness of a loved one, and not a desire to share your things with anyone in the future. In addition, the child may consider such an insult fair and will not want to change anything about himself in the future.
• Avoid comparisons. It would be a big mistake to compare the behavior of your children with the actions of someone else. It will be painful for a son or daughter to hear such offensive characteristics from people they trust. You should once and for all forget such words as “that child is not greedy” or “other parents are lucky with their children.”
• Encourage good deeds. In this case, we are not talking about financial reward, but about a kind word and praise. However, in some cases, after his gesture of generosity, you can buy a child some interesting trinket. This acquisition should be motivated solely by the desire to please him for simply existing.
• Show themed cartoons. In this case, instructive stories like “On the Road with the Clouds” are very suitable, where it is said that the same ice cream should be shared. “The Tale of Greed” and “Once Upon a Time There Was a Greedy Princess” are also suitable. It is necessary not only to invite your child to familiarize themselves with these cartoons, but also to voice each episode in them.

How to stop a child from being greedy - watch the video:

The child is greedy, what should I do? This is an issue that gives some parents pause. First of all, you need to calm down and analyze your child’s behavior, taking into account the age-related characteristics of the psyche. Radical measures in this case will do more harm than good. Consequently, only the wisdom of adults will help the little greedy person get rid of the reluctance to share her things.

“Greedy beef, pickled cucumber, lying on the floor - no one eats it.” You are unlikely to experience a surge of positive emotions if one day you find out that children are reciting this rhyme to your child. It will be especially offensive if greed does not fly past your daughter or son as an age-related phenomenon, but becomes one of the character traits of a future adult.

Why do children get greedy, how to react to it and how to prevent quarrels due to greed?

Greed is natural

Children aged two or three years quite often show a painful reaction to someone taking their favorite toys. The baby begins to loudly protest against expropriation, cries or runs away from the scene to hide. Parents are wary: “it looks like our child is really growing up greedy.” But not everything is as bad as it might seem.

” Children aged about three years old experience a kind of crisis of consciousness and become real egocentrics - this is a normal stage of child development. For a child, there is, first of all, only himself, and he considers his toys to be an extension of himself.

In such a situation, it is very important not to scold the child or try to awaken his conscience by calling him greedy. This will simply cause an unnecessary and unmotivated feeling of guilt, which will fall heavily on the baby’s fragile shoulders. At this moment it is very difficult for a child to understand why he suddenly became bad - after all, he defends first of all his own safety. And the child who reached for your baby’s toy should not be scolded - he also has a heightened sense of selfishness to the limit and he believes that he has the right to possess any thing he likes.

How to deal with greed?

The best way is to redirect the child's attention. Start a new game with them, or show them something interesting. If the kids act together in common interests, then they will quickly forget the grievances - it is quite possible that in just five minutes he will calmly react to the fact that someone is taking his toys, and maybe even share them himself. Don’t forget to praise your child for his independent displays of generosity; be sure to tell him how great he is and how pleased you are with his behavior. It would be ideal if your words were reinforced by a fairy tale or story on the topic of how good it is to share and how bad it is to be greedy.

Unfortunately, it is not always possible to avoid conflict, and now two toddlers have gone to different corners: one is shouting obscenities, the second is starting to nurse... The surest way to defuse the situation is to say, “It’s high time for us to go home” and go home with the child, most importantly, away from the source of irritation. You need to talk about this in a calm tone, without showing unnecessary emotions.

Don't force your child to be greedy

” Add a note to your family rules of upbringing: toys that are too bright, too expensive, too tempting for other children - don’t take them for a walk!

One note about expensive toys: their breakage or loss can upset not only the child, but also you. Accordingly, you will watch such toys no less vigilantly than your child, and he may misunderstand your behavior - parting with them, even for a while, will be doubly difficult.

We should not forget that a child’s greed can be a direct consequence of the foundations, values ​​and behaviors of the family in which he is raised. It also happens that greed as a character trait can appear as a result of a self-centered type of upbringing, when a child is a family idol, the meaning of life for each member of the household. Most often this happens in families where there is an only child whose appearance has been awaited for a long time. The child is shrouded in daily hyper-care, dust particles are blown off him, he is pampered and cherished. In this case, parents can unknowingly instill in the child greed, which in later life can become an integral part of the personality of an adult.

Of course, all of the above does not mean that the child should have a permissive attitude towards personal belongings, including toys - this is also abnormal and will ultimately interfere with the development of responsibility.

Greed Test

There is a very simple test that will help determine your child's level of greed.

Tell your child this story:

Once upon a time there was a little boy. He had a mother. One day a boy built a very beautiful sand house in which to live and play. The boy really liked the house. And his mother also really, really liked the house, so she asked to give her a house. Now ask your child a question: “Do you think the boy will give the house to his mother or keep it for himself?”

The answer will be something like this: “He will play with it and give it as a gift” or “He will live with his mother” or “He will give it as a gift, but will ask that the mother always give it to the boy if he asks.” These are normal, correct answers.

” But a child can also say something that should alert parents. “The boy will not share it with anyone and will keep the house for himself,” “The boy will play with the house and then break it.”

In this case, you cannot draw hasty conclusions; you need to think and understand the reasons for such answers. Perhaps this is truly a manifestation of greed, or maybe... your child simply doesn’t have enough toys.

It is important to note that this test is intended for children two to three years old. As a last resort, it can be offered to a four-year-old child. Older children will most likely not give direct answers. It is quite possible that they will offer barter - a house, in exchange for some thing that they have long dreamed of. But this no longer has anything to do with children’s age-related greed.

In conclusion, let us say that greed is in no way a natural, but an exclusively social phenomenon. It is the result of improper upbringing and improper behavior of adults. Therefore, greed, if it was not accidentally or intentionally fixed, like other age-related temporary manifestations, will naturally disappear.

Greed is a natural defense of one’s own “values”, a struggle for the right to possess something. It is impossible to teach sharing if you deprive a child of the right to choose whether to share or not. The baby watches his parents, whose things are divided - there are mother's things, there are father's things, therefore, there are his own.

Still from the cartoon “Ice Age 3: Age of the Dinosaurs” | 20th Century Fox

Greed. Age stages

1-2 years. The concept of “greed” at this age is absent as such; it is at 1-2 years that the child develops the ability to say “no.” People who are not allowed to learn to say “no” suffer greatly as adults. Their mothers were very afraid that their children would grow up greedy, but they grew up trouble-free.

2 years. By the age of two, the child already consciously pronounces the word “mine” - things are a continuation of his personality. It is important for the child to know that he himself, as well as his things, are inviolable without his consent. Now he is forming an idea of ​​himself and begins to establish boundaries separating “his” and “them.”

3 years. By the age of three, the baby acquires the ability to say “no.” The inability to say “no” leads to indulging the whims of others to the detriment of oneself. It is also important to teach the child to clearly monitor the boundaries: where exactly the natural reaction to the actions of others turns into greed.

4 years. A new stage of socialization begins. Communication comes to the fore. Toys and personal items become tools that enable this communication. The baby comes to the realization that sharing means winning people over.

5-7 years. When Ksyusha’s sister was born, she was 6 years old. When her sister grew up, Ksyusha began to fiercely defend her “wealth” - she could snatch the doll from her sister’s hands and even hit her. Of course, this behavior greatly upset her mother, who inspired Ksyusha that being greedy is bad.

At the age of 5-7 years, greed is the child’s internal disharmony, indicating internal problems.

The main reasons for greed in children: why is a child greedy?

To “cure” greed after five years, you need to understand where it came from. Experts identify several main reasons:

– the child lacks parental love, attention, warmth. Most often, the little greedy person grows up in families where the manifestation of love is another gift from too busy parents. Then the baby perceives these things as especially valuable, and in this case greed becomes a natural consequence of the situation;

- jealousy of brothers and sisters. If a brother (sister) receives more attention and parental affection, then the child automatically expresses his resentment through manifestations of greed and aggression towards him. In this case, there is no need to insist that the older child shares his toys at any cost;

– excess attention and parental love. Often children, who can always do anything, become real tyrants for their family; such kids believe that they are the center of the universe, and all people should fulfill their every whim. The designation of boundaries and measure in everything will help here;

- shyness, indecisiveness. The only friends of a child who is constrained in communication are his toys. The child feels safe with them. Therefore, the baby, of course, does not want to share them;

- excessive frugality. This is the same case when a child is so worried about the safety and integrity of his dear toys that he does not allow anyone to play with them.

Lori

“My Vasya is almost 2 years old. When we go out onto the playground, he arranges his toys in a line, and he plays with strangers. If someone takes his typewriter, they will immediately take it away, and they may even hit him. It’s even uncomfortable in front of other mothers, because Vasya can offend their babies. I’m afraid that he will grow up to be greedy…” says Elena.

How to “treat” children's greed? What should parents do? Experts share their recommendations.

How to communicate?

– Make sure that you give your baby enough attention and affection: talk, discuss the past day, walk, play. Good emotional contact with a child is the best prevention of greed.

– Take a closer look at the position of the child in the family. Don't let him become a little tyrant.

– Read books, watch cartoons together about greed and generosity (for example, “We shared an orange”).

– Teach generosity in the family - it is your model of behavior that the child sees and adopts: help those who need help, feed abandoned animals in shelters.

– Do not shame your child in front of others: “Everyone will think that you are greedy!” This way you will raise an insecure person who will depend on the opinions of strangers. If you convince him that he is greedy, then you will not get rid of this vice.

– Tell your child about the joys of exchanging toys: “The other person is pleased, he begins to treat you better.” If the little one hides his toys in his bosom, and takes other people’s with pleasure, explain that such an “exchange” is not fair.

– Praise the child for his kindness. Let him remember that mom is happy when he shares toys with someone. We will leave a hundred cases of greed without attention and condemnation, but we will turn one case of generosity into an event.

How to behave on the playground?

3. You can offer the “offended” child another toy instead of the controversial one, but be sure to ask the consent of the little owner.

4. If the mother of an “offended” child looks at you disapprovingly, then she either has a very small baby, or she adheres to the “he must share” strategy. In any case, do not enter into controversy.

5. You cannot take a toy from your child and give it to another against the will of your child - to them this is equated with betrayal. “If a strong mother takes away a toy from me, a weak one, then why can’t I, imitating my mother, take a toy from someone who is weaker than me?” - the child will think.

6. When a serious dispute breaks out over the possession of a toy by several children at once, it is wisest for an adult to resolve the conflict himself; for this it will be enough to organize a joint game for the kids.

Remember that greed is normal for kids. Be patient. As the child grows up, he will see and feel the positive impact of his generosity, and the support and approval of mom and dad will further strengthen his understanding that he is acting correctly. If you feel that you are unable to cope with greed, then perhaps it is not the problem at all, but a deeper problem. Do not hesitate to seek help from a psychologist.

By the time a child begins to become familiar with the concept of private property (2-4 years), he mentally divides the world into “mine” and “someone else’s.” In about 2-3 years, the child will outgrow this feeling; the main task of parents at this time is not to harm.

If you treat children's greed incorrectly, you can raise a miser or, conversely, a person who values ​​nothing and gives everything away left and right. In order to cope with children's greed, you need to understand that this happens very often when the parents themselves do not like to share and teach the child not to give his toys to anyone. At the age of three, the main authority for a child is his parents. Children whose parents do not respect their private territory become greedy. You can seriously damage your child's self-esteem if you give his toy to a neighbor's boy without his knowledge. If the mother does not consider the child’s opinion important, then he has to defend it himself. The child thus begins to swear over every little thing, trying to prove his right to property.

If a child has a lot of toys and you want to give some of them to those more in need, then it is better to invite the child to independently select the toys that he wants to give. Explain to your child that some children have no toys at all, and they will be very happy if they get at least a small part. Or you can solemnly collect and take the toys to an orphanage or shelter, and after that have a small celebration. Then the child will feel the full significance of giving and will perceive this process as something joyful.

If a conflict situation arises on the playground, you should not take a toy away from your child and give it to a rival. For a child, you act as a defender; if in a dispute you take the side of the enemy, he will be deeply upset. Explain to the child that he can give the toy to someone else to play with, and that this toy will definitely be returned to him. If the child still does not agree, do not insist. If a conflict between children escalates into a fight, you must immediately divert the attention of both: offer to do something else, for example, ride on a swing. Always be on your child's side, even if you have to deal with negativity from other mothers.

Be sure to explain to your child how to behave and how not to behave better. It is almost impossible to teach a child to share his favorite toys, because even you have some things that you do not want to give to anyone. There is no need to scold a child for greed; it is better to cultivate generosity in him. Offer to buy sweets specially to treat your friends, read good books about how animals share with everyone and get twice as much. It is important to let your child know that they need to respect other people's things.

If you give him a correct awareness of his own and other people’s property, this will help the child develop an adequate perception of money and things. A little greed is inherent in any person, so it is important to correctly balance these two concepts in a child.

In very early childhood, many parents are faced with the problem of their children's greed. There is no need to panic and start thinking about how to fix it all. Not worth it. All children aged 2-3 years are egocentric. This is inherent in nature. They feel themselves at the center of the universe, and everything nearby is their continuation. When asking to give you a toy, the child is faced with a problem - you, in his opinion, are demanding a piece of him.

And the baby doesn’t understand why his mother asks for his share to give it to another child. Maybe my mother doesn’t love me, but loves this boy? These thoughts make your child feel guilty, although he does not know the reason for his wrongdoing. According to psychologists, a greedy child is not a character trait. This is what a child flaunts in moments of psychological difficulties.

Therefore, the main task of the parents of a greedy child is to help him overcome psychological problems.

Nowadays, few parents devote all their free time to activities with their children. Most often, children are raised by grandparents, at best, or the child is cared for by a nanny, who can in no way replace his own mother. The connection between parents and children is disrupted, emotional dependence on each other is reduced to a minimum. All this leaves an imprint on the child’s psyche. Gifts given by parents are perceived as valuable, which must be protected and protected. And until the situation in the family improves, parents do not establish close and trusting relationships with their own child, it is simply useless to fight attacks of greed. There is only one solution here that will definitely give positive results - this is working on your relationships.

The parents of the greedy child scold and force him to share his toys.

Why do some children willingly share, while for others it’s a complete tragedy?

Children under two years of age do not associate themselves with their clothing environment at all. Only in the third year, when attending kindergarten, do they begin to understand that some things belong only to him. Then he begins to perceive clothes and toys as his own. But this perception is significantly different from that of an adult. The child believes that all things that belong to him are a part of him. When someone asks for a toy, the baby perceives this as an attack on him. That is why he strives to repel the attacker. The fact that a child does not want to share with others speaks of his independence. This is not at all selfishness or whim, as parents often believe. At this time, the correct behavior of parents is important. We must make it clear to the child that his needs are significant and respected. Otherwise, attacks of greed will develop into a character trait. It has been observed that children who are confident that they are loved grow up to be more generous.

Regardless of whether your child is greedy or not, you need to talk to him about this topic. Even if your child is now very generous, do not rush to rejoice. Psychologists say that attacks of greed can begin at any moment. If a child is greedy and does not share his own, parents most often become ashamed of his behavior, and by hook or by crook they take this same toy and give it to another child. And this is completely wrong behavior for parents.

How should parents behave if your child does not want to share in the kindergarten sandbox?

Has your child started adding “mine” to every word?

This means that he begins to form a holistic picture of himself. He stops talking about himself in the third person and starts using “I”. Now the child’s “I” and “mine” are inextricably linked. Everything that is “mine” is a continuation of his personality. Now, more than ever, he perceives the situation more acutely if someone sits on his chair or takes his favorite toy. At this age, a greedy child is not considered a negative person, no. The most important thing now for the baby is to know that all his things are inviolable for others and belong only to him. It is now that the child knows that there is not only his own, but also someone else’s. It is very important for parents not to miss the moment and to teach their child to ask permission if he wants to take something that is not his own.

If you don't want your child to be greedy, follow these tips:

Praise your child for good deeds. Make special mention of his generosity.

Be generous and responsive yourself.

If a child sees your actions, he will strive to repeat them. Moreover, this applies not only to good deeds, but also to bad ones.

Look after yourself. Teach your child to change. Show how great it is to give away your toy and let someone else play at this time, or, even better, teach them to play together. There is no need to use violent methods in teaching generosity. Know that it is useless.

Respect your child's decisions regarding his toys. Don't call your child greedy. This may lead him to think that he is bad and no one loves him. Give your child the opportunity to feel the joy of being generous. You can arrange a small