I beat my wife, how to make peace? Practical psychology: what to do if your husband hits you What to do if your husband hits you

30.01.2024

Question for psychologists

I have been working in the police for almost 20 years. In addition, I have hobbies, I am a hunter and fisherman, and I am also involved in motorized hang gliding, I am 39 years old. My wife is 27 years old, and this is not the first time she and I have been married (I’m the third and she’s also the third time) married. Everything is in bed and as a housewife she suits me completely, but we have no mutual understanding. We always suspect each other of something, we are jealous, both her and me. Often just out of nowhere. Due to frequent separations and duty (she studies at the institute, and I’m either fishing or hunting), sometimes for 2 months, we quarrel, sometimes it comes to assault on my part. But we make up again and live like a It's a peaceful time. We love our friend very much. But the last time, after the next session, I again made a scandal because of jealousy. Although now I realized everything that was happening. but she doesn’t even want to listen to me. For 2 months (in which we live separately, each in our own apartment, we periodically have sex, of course, I feel that there is no relationship as with a loved one. And I understand that I offended her very much. What and how I no longer begged her, asked for forgiveness, crawled on my knees, but she says that she doesn’t love me, and most importantly, she doesn’t believe that I have changed, I really, really realized that I couldn’t live without her. I love her very much. Now I’m desperate. I can’t sleep, in fact, I can’t calm down at night, neither pills nor other sedatives help me sleep. I’m really in despair. What can I try to do? I think that love lives in her, but she is under a deep layer of resentment and mistrust... P O M O G I T E! Life is not sweet without her, how can I convince her that I won’t do it anymore, I will do my best. Just tell me what to do. souls!!!

Hello, Yuri! In order to show her that you have realized - it’s not enough to walk on your knees and say that you can’t live without her - such an action and such words DO NOT say anything about your feelings, that you understood and analyzed the situation and therefore she DOES NOT see, What exactly have changed on your part? Now you need to realize and weigh everything yourself - remember and understand the specific situations of your quarrels - in order to see what contribution you yourself made to the development of these quarrels - where and what went wrong, what led to exactly this outcome and when you talk to her in this vein - she will already hear you - she will hear that you are not just yearning for her, but also that you understand where and when you brought her pain and in what way? most likely, there is a style of relationship between you that does NOT bring openness and trust to your relationship - you each individually do NOT voice your experiences to your partner, but translate it into criticism and accusations, and the natural reaction to this is only defense, hiding your feelings ( expectations from a partner) - By doing so, you are only moving away from each other! but by exposing them, learning to convey everything constructively to each other, both of you can help the relationship truly develop, and not turn into a battlefield! and if you really want everything to change - and not just for her to return (after all, what then - will everything continue in a circle again?), but both of you could build relationships together - then this requires changes - both on your part and on her side (after all, a relationship is the contribution of both!) - after all, everything can be conveyed without resorting to physical assault (and for a woman this is painful - the very fact that a man was able to raise his hand and thus show his strength)!

In general, Yuri, if you really decide to understand the situation and help your relationship, you can safely contact me - call me - I will be only happy to help you!

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Dear Yuri! From the context of your letter, this signaled to me personally:

- “I work in the police” (was it by chance that you started with this statement, and was it so important for the situation you described);

- “Everything is in bed and as a mistress she suits me” (consumer attitude towards his wife, a very convenient toy, sometimes you can break something in it (knock, for example);

- “Now I’m desperate” (of course, my own favorite toy was taken away);

- “I won’t do it again” (little boys used to be put in a corner for this, for breaking toys, even if they asked for forgiveness).

How do you like this perspective?!

Ask yourself: what games do you both play? And will you be able to grow up yourself without waiting for “psychotherapeutic assholes” (sorry, but this is an expression from a famous psychotherapist).

I recommend: going to a psychologist to sort yourself out and understand whether you have really changed, and in what ways, in order to make sure that you are not lying to yourself just to get your favorite “toy”. Maybe they will tell you about the “Rapist-Victim” roles. Maybe not.

With all respect and love. ON THE.

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Yuri, I completely agree with the previous speaker!

How can I “convince her that I won’t do it again”? How do you know? that you won't do it anymore? It is important for you to deal with your previous marriages (without working on your mistakes, you will just get married and divorced), with the fact that you yourself are suffering in the “aggressor = victim” combination (either you organize a massacre, then you “beg, just forgive, crawl on your knees ")... A woman does not need such swinging on a swing with maximum amplitude, and she is tired, her feelings are hurt. And the readiness to “make every effort” is alarming; maybe the efforts will again be expressed in a breakdown, a surge of jealousy (are they themselves pure and innocent? They usually suspect others in case of self-doubt, or they project something “of their own”).

And the childish “just tell me what to do”... Your frequent divorces, by the way, speak of immaturity, both phrases and actions. No matter how they “prompt” you, the hints will not be of any use to you! A person can do what he is ready and capable of, what is in the zone of proximal development. In the meantime, you don’t know, neither about the goal, nor about yourself... Going to a psychologist is the right decision. If you dare to explore your... parental family. Everything comes from there.

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Hello, Yuri.

You are right, it sounds like your wife is very offended. And it seems that your apologies are not enough to cure her pain. And in this context, the question “how to convince her” sounds strange. Look at the facts: You beat her more than once and each time, I assume, you promised that there would be no repetition. And then they beat me again. It is logical that, based on her experience, she does not believe you. But this does not mean that all is lost. In my opinion, first it is important to deal with accumulated grievances, and then with jealousy, because of which, according to your letter, all this is happening. This can be done during pair work with a psychologist. Which will allow you to see what is happening a little more broadly, to talk about your experiences a little more than you usually do.

If this option suits you, I will be happy to help.

Sincerely,

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Hello Devolik!

This is an excerpt from an article by my colleague Yulia Rubleva - I just read it and here is your request on the topic. Read it - maybe a lot will become clear to you.

“I recently talked about emotional breaks with fellow psychologists. “Emotional gap is our Russian brand,” one of them told me. Everything is tragic, and therefore any union is short-lived. Another outcome has not yet been included in the scenario of our women. No matter how good our love story is, we think he will leave. Suddenly, without explaining anything. Or it will all happen that you will leave, dragging your broken legs. There is no other way to save your dignity and find yourself in relative safety except through a break. If he cheats, there is no need to fix anything, break it immediately. If something happens - “I’ll be left alone, somehow I’ll raise the children.” If there’s no need for a divorce, I don’t want to see alimony, somehow myself. If he doesn’t promise to marry, leave immediately and get married to spite your enemies in three months. If you promise to marry, but don’t marry, leave immediately and marry the unloved in three months. To spite your enemies. If the relationship is broken, never communicate again, cancel all the good things that happened, and die without forgiving anything. In general, be adamant. Leave immediately. End the relationship immediately. Save yourself from pain through even more severe pain - through a breakup.

Most of our women and men do not know the end of a relationship: soft, painless, when no one abandoned anyone, but everyone made attempts to fix something. And only if the attempts fail, they part, gently, through a gradual distance from each other. Across a ditch, a ditch, a stream, over which a bridge is thrown: and along this bridge they walk less and less, and, moving away, they look back at each other with warmth and gratitude. We are used to solving problems in relationships through a hole in fate: we tore our loved one out of our souls, threw stones and moss at the hole, and we sit in numbness and grief, drowning ourselves out with work for many years.

If only one of you decided to leave, the other must mourn the loss. Mourn correctly, forgive the tediousness, without skipping over stages, without immediately getting yourself a new partner: otherwise this is called a reactive connection, it always ends with a new break, now for the poor thing - an unsuspecting new partner, serving only as a band-aid for the tormented soul. According to statistics, all over the world, after a year, the bereaved person is already relatively recovered and ready to live again if he experiences the loss in therapy. In our country, this period is four times longer: on average, a person who has experienced an emotional breakup needs four years to feel ready for a relationship again. This is without therapy; it is not yet common practice to address this request to psychologists everywhere. And for many, many, it is precisely the breakup of relationships that is inscribed in the subcortex as the only means of avoiding even more severe pain. For example, the pain of seeing yourself rejected. For example, the pain of seeing someone cheat on you. For example, pain from disappointment in one’s union or marriage: when a partner turned out to be completely different from what he seemed.

And here we come to another problem: many of those who enter into a relationship are not ready for the partner to change, do not believe that the partner will change towards them, and they themselves are not always ready to change towards them to him. Elementary ignorance of what stages a couple goes through in their relationship makes partners get scared every time the next stage ends: the end of the candy-bouquet period, for example, is experienced by many not even young couples as the end of love, and the breakup of the relationship again looms on the horizon as the only a sure way to avoid the pain of “fading everything.”

Changes are experienced as the death of a relationship; intolerance for any imperfection completely destroys everything. There is no culture of dialogue with a partner, the infantile “if you love me, you must figure it out yourself” seeps through everywhere. There is no habit of negotiating and articulating something about your needs and boundaries; instead, there is a habit of getting annoyed, yelling or pulling away. Significant relationships end up causing so much pain and become so insecure that a breakup truly becomes inevitable. We are not to blame for this and no one is to blame: family teaches us to live happily ever after next to each other, and the families of our grandparents, great-grandparents and great-grandparents are full of grief and breakups due to the history of our country.

And therefore - learn yourself and teach your children to negotiate and speak, even when they are very angry, scared or upset. Teach them that anything can happen in a family, and by staying close to each other even in the strongest emotions, you can correct and change a lot. Teach them that you can be angry with the one you love, and the one who loves you can be angry with you: but if it is said in calm words, then everything can be fixed and there is no need to run away or force the other to leave. Teach them that the breakup of a relationship differs from the end of a relationship by the presence of severe pain, and that severe pain as an element of a love scenario is an indicator not of love, but rather of dependence. Teach that ending a relationship is not a panacea for everything, and there are many ways to change something without losing it. Love should be good. Not scary. Reliable. Happily. Safely."

I will be glad if you discover and understand something for yourself.

Good luck and prudence!

Sincerely, Ludmila.

Good afternoon. I was interested in your answer “Hello, Devolik! This is an excerpt from an article by my colleague Yulia Rubleva - I just read it and here you are...” to the question http://www.. Can I discuss this answer with you?

Discuss with an expert

Family violence is a much more common occurrence than is commonly thought. Contrary to the widespread stereotype that a husband’s aggression is caused by his wife’s inappropriate behavior, psychologists, in response to the question of why a husband beats his wife, claim that the reason is in the woman himself. The wife's behavior does not affect the situation, since the decision to cause physical harm is made by the attacker, not the victim. Therefore, a woman needs to know the signs of behavior of a domestic tyrant in order to avoid danger.

How should a wife behave if her husband is prone to aggressive behavior?

The peculiarity of the manifestation of violence on the part of the husband is cyclical. At the beginning of a relationship, a tyrant man does not show aggression. He tries to lull the attention of the chosen victim, behaves kindly and demonstrably caring. The woman relaxes and begins to trust him. Gradually the man begins to show his essence. Rare nagging and small quarrels, but with each one the pressure grows.

A man, feeling that he has succeeded in creating an emotional connection, begins a psychological game: he humiliates, insults, and makes him doubt himself. Having received the expected reaction in the form of confusion and an attempt to please, the man changes his line of behavior, again becoming caring and understanding.

A man tries to limit a woman’s freedom, forcing her to give up work, communication with friends and any other manifestations of independence. After marriage, he may prohibit leaving the house, citing concern for the safety of his wife. The cycle of behavior "tyrant - caring husband" constantly changes, causing the wife to believe that she does not meet the expectations of her husband and deserves such treatment. At first, aggression can be expressed only in verbal form, but it always progresses to the stage of physical violence.

The wife's behavior depends on the degree of development of the relationship. If the marriage was registered recently and the wife has the opportunity to seek help from a professional psychologist, this should be done immediately. Perhaps the marriage can be saved, and the man will agree to undergo therapy. If your spouse refuses, you must forget about attempts at reconciliation and take care of your own safety. To save yourself from an aggressive spouse, you need to prepare an escape route:

Find housing that your spouse doesn’t know about.
Seek help from loyal relatives, friends, or a special help center for victims of domestic violence.
Collect documents, hide them so that you can take them out and leave the house at any time.
All available money and jewelry should be taken with you immediately.
If you have children, prepare them for the fact that they will soon have to move, warn them that they cannot talk about the impending escape.

Once the woman is in safe territory, she should prepare for further actions: divorce, litigation, moving. Probably, in order to cope with the situation, she will need the help of a psychologist, a lawyer, and possibly contacting the police. Physical violence is a crime and must be dealt with accordingly.

Reasons for husband's aggression

The reason for the manifestation of physical aggression on the part of the husband is various psychological and social factors that encourage and encourage destructive behavior. These include:

unfavorable environment in the family in which the man grew up, aggression of the father towards the mother;
lack of mother's love in childhood, lack of female attention in adulthood;
tendency towards sadism;
problems with discipline, low academic performance;
low level of social responsibility;
traumatic brain injury;
low level of empathy.

Not all men who grow up in adverse conditions are violent. Self-control helps to restrain unmotivated aggression and behave appropriately. But if a man does not try to control his behavior, he becomes socially dangerous.

Types of men who are prone to violence

Men with psychopathic and sociopathic personality traits are prone to display aggression. A psychopathic man lacks an adequate perception of reality. He does not perceive other people as living people, they are a means of satisfying his desires. A man strives to offend, anger, and evoke any negative emotions in people in order to receive emotional nourishment from them. He is not able to receive the necessary emotions in normal ways, since there is no place for affection, trust, or respect in his picture of the world. Often the cause of psychopathy is birth trauma, hereditary psychological disease, and disorders in brain development.

The reason for a sociopath's aggression is a lack of upbringing. A man does not receive the necessary skills to interact with people. Growing up, a sociopath is not able to build a normal relationship with a woman, not perceiving her as an equal partner.

Alcoholism and violence

Alcohol can change a man dramatically, allowing a man prone to aggression to behave inappropriately. This is where most domestic crimes occur. Under the influence of alcohol, a husband can not only insult and beat his wife, but also cause serious injury and even death. An intoxicated husband cannot control his actions and does not think about the consequences.

In most cases, the husband refuses to seek medical help and turns into a chronic alcoholic. It becomes unpredictable and dangerous not only for the wife, but also for the children. They are forced to observe the behavior of a mentally unstable father, they can adopt his behavior and inherit aggressiveness. In addition, children may suffer from father's aggression.

Spouse's jealousy

Men say jealousy is the main cause of aggressive emotional breakdowns. To a certain extent, jealousy is inherent in all people, but a mentally healthy, adequate man can cope with jealousy and correct his behavior without transferring aggression to his partner.

An insecure husband prone to paranoia and pathological jealousy will look for signs of infidelity, even when there is no real reason. He doesn’t need a real reason; he is guided by a distorted idea of married life. For a jealous person, physical violence is a way to mark his territory. The husband can beat and intimidate his wife, making others understand that the wife is his property, and it is better for potential lovers to stay away.

Features of the psychology of the aggressor

In the mind of a pathologically aggressive man, his actions are an adequate reaction caused by his wife’s incorrect behavior. For normal mental well-being, he needs, with the help of which he relieves emotional stress.

A woman is not chosen by chance: a man chooses a wife who will be dependent on him. An insecure woman who needs protection and is prone to self-accusation is ideal.

It doesn't matter whether the victim is defending himself or not. The husband perceives retaliatory aggression as a legalization of his own aggression. If the wife does not respond to attacks, accepting the role of the victim, the husband convinces himself that this state of affairs is normal. A man is afraid of losing his wife, he is attached to the victim, needs her. Therefore, after a beating, the husband always apologizes and promises to improve. Manipulates his wife's feelings, making her believe that this breakdown was the last.

Features of the psychology of the victim

In psychology, victimized (sacrificial) behavior is a special behavioral strategy characteristic of weak, dependent people. Victimized women behave childishly and are afraid to take responsibility, make important decisions, and take an active position in life.

Various factors lead to the formation of victimized behavior in girls. These include:

physical violence from parents;
school bullying, insults;
physical, mental illnesses;
an authoritarian father who forces him to adhere to a victimized line of behavior;
physical or sexual violence from a guy.

The manifestation of victim traits in a woman attracts a man prone to sadistic behavior to her. Realizing that the victim will not resist, the man uses her insecurity and low self-esteem to selfishly satisfy his inadequate needs.

How to avoid domestic violence

Realizing the peculiarities of the psychology of beatings in the family, the husband and wife can try to correct the situation if they really value their relationship. If a guy realizes that his behavior is inappropriate, he should consult a psychologist and undergo a course of therapy aimed at developing internal self-control.

The wife of a tyrant husband also needs psychological help. Expert advice will help her build the necessary psychological boundaries and restore peace of mind. But if a man refuses to seek psychological help, the only way to avoid domestic violence is to separate. You cannot give in to persuasion and believe promises of improvement. The tendency to aggression cannot disappear; inadequacy only increases. And if at first the husband allows himself only light pushes and slaps, soon they will turn into full-fledged beatings. The longer a wife endures aggression, the more difficult it is to get out of this relationship and start a new one.

Useful video

How can a woman understand that there is a tyrant next to her and how to act with him? A psychologist will tell you about all this in a short video:

Domestic violence- a complex situation that requires serious investigation. This is what we will try to do today. There is an opinion that violence by a man against a woman is possible, first of all, where there is a place for alcohol or drugs. This statement is not entirely true. Even families that are quite intelligent and prosperous at first glance can experience similar situations. And they find it most difficult to deal with. Because, as they say, there are no prerequisites for assault.

Question: “What to do if a husband beats his wife?” remains open to many women. And all because they don’t know that they are the ones making the decision. Not everyone can realize that male tyranny is a sure path to divorce or to a hospital bed.

Who is he, a domestic tyrant? Why do men even become like this?

It is, oddly enough, very difficult to answer this question unambiguously. There can be many reasons. And in each specific case, in each specific family there are its own reasons and prerequisites. But in any case, it is impossible to justify by any reason the fact that a husband beats and insults his wife, that is, a strong man beats an obviously weaker man.

Let's look at the most common reasons:

1. A man completely copies the situation of parental relationships. He simply doesn’t know any other way. His father "learned" his wife with his fists. In the child’s head, such a model of behavior is deposited as the norm. This means that he himself must behave the same way.

2. Assault is a way of self-affirmation. This logic is inherent in men - pathological losers. If difficulties arise in their life (professional or everyday), the only way out is to take out the hatred at home, thus relieving stress. After all, not everyone at work will decide to punch their boss in the face, let alone a loser. No possibility "to express" everything to the offender, which means you can take out the evil on the closest and most defenseless person - your wife.

3. Alcohol and drugs are the most frequent companions of fights and squabbles in the family. A person in a state of intoxication and clouded consciousness is capable of the most terrible acts. At the same time, he does not control himself, which means he is not aware of his actions. Even the reason itself "explosion" may later turn out to be extremely small and insignificant, but this will not change the essence. As a rule, in such situations, after the onset of clarity in the head, sobering up, a period of repentance begins. But this is only until the next dose. And then everything goes according to the script.

4. Some women may unknowingly cause aggression from a man. Such women usually try to take a dominant position in the family and begin to insult and humiliate men. Sooner or later this could end in disaster.

5. There are also women who endure everything. Their spinelessness and spinelessness act like a red rag on a bull. The husband hit his wife, and she endured it and remained silent - a common situation. Man "getting used to" to his own impunity and secretly assigns the wife the role of victim. Such women are usually tormented by a false sense of duty. And they simply do not realize that they are endangering not only themselves, but also those around them, for example, children.

Domestic tyrant: typology and behavioral characteristics

Assault has become so widespread in modern society that a whole science has emerged to study the problem of domestic tyranny. And this science divided male fighters into two types.

"Pitbull"
For him, any quarrel, skirmish or just a squabble must certainly end in assault. When playing this game, a man (if you can call him that) first apologizes after each fight, kneels down, and begs. BUT further outbursts of rage become more and more frequent, and apologies are pronounced less and less often. The scandals themselves, with or without reason, become a habit and not a single day can go by without them. Even a banal slap in the face can develop into a severe beating.

Such a person does not listen to anyone’s words; he will not understand how clashes with his wife could end for him. Aggression clouds reason, and this is where real addiction arises. According to experts, this "pit bull" becomes dependent on the woman he beats. At the same time, he does not show a feeling of guilt, but rather suppresses it with the help of new attacks of rage and new beatings.

"Cobra"
This type of sadists, by and large, are entirely potential patients of psychiatric cynics. Such "sadists" They themselves cannot even explain why the outbreak of aggression occurred. Actually, the reasons are not important here. It is pointless to look for logic in the behavior of such people. Anger becomes all-consuming, and such a person’s hand will rise against his pregnant wife and even against his own child. It is most difficult for a woman in such a situation. Since she cannot predict the behavior of this type of male tyrant, it is impossible to predict the moment of attack.

What to do if a husband hits his wife for the first time?

The first shock for a woman in such a situation does not always pass quickly. The man he loved raised his hand to the woman whom he had carried in his arms just yesterday and called him his beloved. The most important thing to do is to calm down. Time is the best helper in such a situation. Moreover, both the wife and the husband will need time. Both need to understand what exactly happened. Perhaps such an outbreak will never happen again. Then the man will certainly realize the horror of what happened and come running to apologize.

A woman must be patient and analyze the situation. The main thing is to try to find out whether similar situations happened in the husband’s family, with his parents. If fights were the norm there, then this model is also for the spouse. "normal" and acceptable. In this case, you should not hope for a one-time outburst of anger. The situation will repeat itself again and again, no matter how sincere the husband’s apologetic words may seem.

If there were no such scenes in the husband’s family and as a child he did not observe scenes of brutal beatings day after day, it is quite possible that his breakdown was an accident. But forgiveness in such a situation is possible only under a clear condition: repetition is tantamount to divorce.

Is it possible to stop a domestic tyrant?

A husband beats and insults his wife - well, who would be surprised by this today? Many are sure that this situation occurs in every family. But it's not right. What's wrong with the fact that your wife got a slap on the wrist for over-salted soup? But such a marriage relationship can hardly be called ideal.

In general, it’s worth immediately defining our position: a man who hits a woman once is unlikely to stop there and limit himself to one slap in the face. If a woman finds herself in a situation where her husband hits his wife more than once, but does it with enviable regularity and cruelty, she needs to look for a way out. We need to find a way to stop the tyrant.

Unfortunately, in Russia there is no special service that could help a woman who has experienced domestic violence. There are, of course, police and ambulances. But you can count on them only in case of visible consequences, serious injuries. There is also psychological help over the phone, which, unfortunately, cannot help with anything other than advice.

A woman will have to rely only on herself. Even pregnant women, as we remember, cannot feel completely protected. Therefore, it is necessary to develop a line of behavior.

1. Heart-to-heart conversations are the beginning of the path to ending assault at home. If the spouses manage to come to an agreement and go together to see a specialist, then maybe their situation is not so hopeless. Only a competent specialist will help you understand what exactly caused the outburst of anger and led to the beatings, even minor ones. Only a specialist can help a man get out of this pit of rage and unfulfillment. We remember what kind of men raise their hands to a woman - losers! If the husband is not happy with the option of working with a psychologist, it is hardly worth trying to maintain such a relationship. They definitely won't change. Never.

2. From the first day of their life together, a woman must accustom her husband and herself, first of all, to the fact that she is an inviolable person. She should not be subjected to violence under any circumstances. Whatever happens, everything can be solved with words.

3. A woman must, no, is obliged to respect herself. Then there will be fewer problems.

4. If a husband hits his wife for the first time, decisive action should immediately follow from the woman. There is no place for hysterics here. A woman should calmly collect her things and leave. To a friend, to a neighbor, to my mother in Saratov, anywhere, even to a hotel. The main thing is to let the man understand that she is categorically not satisfied with such a relationship.

5. What to do if your husband beats and insults you regularly? Do words have no effect? There is only one answer to this question: you need to leave such a husband, not for a day or a week, but forever. It’s difficult to decide to take such a step, especially if you still have feelings. But this must be done at least out of a sense of self-preservation.

We declare war on the tyrant

Classic Hollywood films - what could be better in the fight against male tyrants? Does your husband beat and insult you? Try to do what the heroine Jennifer Lopez did in the film "I'm over it". It would seem like a completely happy life, a beloved husband, a wonderful daughter. But happiness collapses overnight as soon as the husband shows his true colors. Not only is he unfaithful to his beautiful wife, he is also aggressive towards her and the child.

At one point, the woman’s patience comes to an end, and she decides to take a desperate step - she runs away from home with her daughter. The solution is simple: no one is allowed to hurt me or my daughter anymore. Next comes revenge and only revenge. A weak woman is unlikely to be able to defeat an adult man. This means you need to train your body and fighting spirit.

And here is the result - evil is punished, and with the same coin. A woman can make a man feel like a defenseless victim of a domestic tyrant who drives his victim into a corner.

It’s much easier, shedding tears, to complain to your friends and mother: “my husband beat me”. But what can a woman do to avoid beatings? Where is her pride, strength and courage? Where is the character, after all? It depends on the woman whether she will tolerate such a situation or decide to change everything! Unfortunately, this is exactly what women forget about.

Hiding is not a bad defense.

It is not easy to defeat a strong man in an open confrontation, especially if the opponent is three times heavier and stronger. But it's still worth a try. Especially if the house in which the clashes occur is the only housing and there is nowhere else to go. Protecting your own life and the lives of your children must come to the fore. And there’s no pity for yourself, much less for your husband.
It is impossible to change a man who raised his hand against a woman. Such a villain will most likely stop at nothing, even his wife’s pregnancy is unlikely to sober him up. This means a woman will have to fight for her own life and for the life of her child.

What to do to make a man understand: “This won’t continue like this”!

Self-defense courses– an excellent tool for relieving stress, as well as for mastering the necessary skills. It is quite possible that once a woman puts them into practice, she will be able to stop beatings from her husband forever.

You need to learn to ignore your husband’s provocations. It helps. For starters, it’s a good idea to simply leave the house during your husband’s outbursts, and together with the children, for example, for a walk. A woman should radiate self-confidence and calm with her entire appearance. Her husband's attacks against her should not affect her.

If it is not possible to leave the house, it would be a good idea to put locks on the doors of one of the rooms. Taking refuge inside the house is also a good way to hide from a tyrant. The main condition is to always have a mobile phone with you. Often it was mobile communications that saved women’s lives.

It's not worth living in the same apartment with a tyrant. It is best to find a job and rented housing. If there are no children, this will not be difficult to do. If you can’t rent an apartment right away, you can ask friends or relatives for help. It is important to remember that being in the same apartment with an aggressive man is dangerous!

When you and your abusive husband are under the same roof, you should follow a few simple but effective rules.

If quarrels continue with enviable regularity, follow the simplest safety precautions. Under no circumstances should you run to the kitchen or bathroom when a quarrel breaks out. Any enclosed space where there is furniture with sharp corners, heavy or sharp objects is certain death.

Temporary shelter must be prepared in advance. This is an escape route that should always be available. It doesn’t matter what exactly it will be, a friend’s apartment or a crisis center, the main thing is that you can come there at any time of the day or night.

It’s not worth sitting quietly in the corner and waiting until it comes to assault. The police should be called as soon as an argument begins. It is important to make it clear to the police that you are in real danger. Scream into the phone, scream. Law enforcement agencies are obliged to come to the call and explain to the man that he is wrong to offend his wife or children.

After a fight, be sure to call an ambulance. Doctors must record the beatings, check for bruises and abrasions, and make sure there are no more serious injuries. And at the same time check the sanity of your spouse. It is possible that he may be immediately taken to psychoneurology.

All the most valuable and necessary things should be at hand. If a woman has to leave home for some time, and especially forever. A bag with the essentials should be at the ready. Money, documents, spare things, jewelry. You shouldn’t waste your husband’s gifts in such a situation. They are your compensation for physical and moral damage.

A woman’s psyche inevitably suffers from domestic scandals, and even more so from beatings. The help of a psychologist in such a situation will not be superfluous.

Don't forget that your life is the most valuable thing you have. And you are responsible for this life yourself. No one can protect a woman better than herself. Take care of yourself, do not endanger your life and the lives of your children by remaining to live under the same roof with a tyrant and monster. Remember that without specialists, no one, even the strongest woman, will be able to understand such a complex situation as domestic violence.

In the modern world, aggression is not something out of the ordinary. We encounter negativity on the street, in transport, in the store. At the same time, the house should remain a reliable refuge, and the person who is nearby should be protection and support. If a loved one raises his hand against you, the question arises: the husband beats his wife, what to do. Let's look at the reasons for this behavior and ways to resist the aggressor.

Causes of domestic violence

Psychology names the following reasons for this sad phenomenon:

Drugs and alcohol.
As a child, my husband saw his father beat his mother with impunity, but she remained silent. From what he saw, the child concluded that a man can do anything.
The aggressor has no luck in life, despite all his efforts, so he takes out his frustrations on his wife.
The woman does not resist and takes cruelty for granted.
The husband believes that dictatorship in the family is the norm and that the best way not to lose power is constant beatings.
A man is looking for a weak victim to assert himself, since he cannot cope with a strong opponent.
Deviation in the mental state of a tyrant.
Difficulties that the husband is unable to talk about lead to aggressive behavior.

To prevent a husband from beating his wife, one must first understand that cruelty must not be tolerated under any circumstances. Regular beatings often lead to irreversible damage to the victim’s psyche, and sometimes end even worse.

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In this situation, the best solution is to leave and think for a while about the advisability of maintaining such a marriage. Keep in mind that you should not count on correcting a tyrant. Upon your return, a small spark will be enough to cause rage. He will find a way to take revenge on you for deciding to leave.

Psychologists advise following after leaving:

Seek help from a professional who can help you cope with difficulties.
Communicate with your husband only in a public place and come accompanied by a relative, friend or colleague.
The divorce process should be left to the shoulders of an experienced lawyer.
Do not forget about the child, because for him the separation of his parents is a trauma.
Don't be ashamed to talk about the reason for divorce and accept help.
If you are thinking: “My husband beats me, what should I do?”, then the answer is: do not be afraid to file an application with the court asking to punish your spouse for assault.
Do not take gossip to heart, because it is natural for people to discuss things that do not concern them.

What threatens a domestic tyrant under the law?

Since 2017, beatings inflicted by a spouse or relative are an administrative, rather than a criminal, offense. When determining punishment, the degree of harm caused to the victim will be taken into account.

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The law provides for 3 degrees:

Light, that is, bruises, abrasions, hematomas and loss of performance of no more than 10%.
Moderate, that is, concussion, fractures. The health disorder is more than 21 days, and the loss of performance is 30%.
Severe, that is, there is a threat to life (rupture of organs, loss of vision or hearing, fracture of the spine). In this case, think, your husband is beating you, what to do, you need to stop and urgently contact law enforcement agencies, because your life is under threat.

If the beating is inflicted for the first time, the man faces administrative punishment in the form of:

Arrest up to 15 days.
Mandatory work up to 120 hours.
Fine up to 30,000 rubles.

When the offense is repeated, the tyrant is liable under criminal law. The aggressor faces:

Immediately after a conflict, go to the emergency room.
Obtain a certificate from the emergency room confirming the beating.
File a police report along with a certificate. It is better to submit the application to the department at the place of the events.

Can a husband improve?

The fear of loneliness is understandable and the desire to preserve the relationship is understandable, so many wives are in no hurry to ruin everything. The chance that a man will improve is almost zero. If you still want to try, then not only he will have to try, but you too.

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